There are cracks in human nature - 52 psychological lessons to understand personality

Jane Lili

Jian Lili, former lecturer and psychological counselor at the Psychological Education and Counseling Center of Central University of Finance and Economics; entrepreneur. He is currently serving as a youth member of the Psychological Counselor Professional Committee of the Chinese Mental Health Association. She founded the psychological counseling platform "Simple Psychology" in 2014 and was selected as one of the Forbes Asia 30under30 young people in 2016. He has published psychological counseling-related books and translations such as "You Are the Answer to Everything" and "Dreams and Graffiti: Therapeutic Counseling for Child Psychosis".

There are cracks in human nature - an introduction to 52 psychology lessons on understanding personality

There are cracks in human nature, and that's where the light comes in. If this were not the case, psychology would not have been gazing at the contradictory and complex us with a curious and gentle gaze for more than a hundred years, trying to figure out the behavioral patterns we have developed to deal with various situations in life.

Hannibal's "antisocial personality", the "schizoid personality" in "Fight Club", the pain and joy of self-abuse in "Fifty Shades of Grey", Edward Scissorhands' autism wrapped in tenderness... The interpretation of "personality" in movies and literature is often extreme and dramatic.

Various personality traits in us are not as "stereotyped" as in the movies, but they are still ubiquitous and often coexist and intertwine, which is not much simpler than a tortuous story: narcissism and inferiority can coexist in the same heart, and seemingly distant masochistic tendencies often affect our interpersonal patterns...

We will start with the common personality types and understand people's usual behavior patterns and their hidden logic; we will give suggestions for self-personality growth and explore how to deal with psychological difficulties and negative emotions in life; if you are interested in the academic theories of psychology, you will also build a knowledge system about personality in a more relaxed way in the course.

As the course progresses, you will find that we should not arbitrarily label ourselves and others with certain personality traits. Your name provides no clue about you, your life reveals no essence of who you are, and our ascription of any personality "type" does not capture a person.

So, what is the most important thing to understand about personality?

Harper Lee wrote in To Kill a Mockingbird:

If you just understand this one thing, you'll be able to get along better with all kinds of people. But you never really understand a person until you see the world through his eyes, until you get under his skin and walk with him.

This time, we want to pick out the tiny aspect of "personality" from the vast discipline of psychology. We want to take you into your own and others' skin, explore what kind of people we are, how we understand the world and other people, and how we get along with others.

Until we truly become ourselves.

Course Catalog:

1. Introduction: Exploring Inward and Reconciling with the World

Personality itself is neither right nor wrong, good or bad. The only difference is whether it will have a bad impact on us when placed in certain specific situations.

2. Introduction: There are cracks in human nature, and that is our common secret

How is personality defined in psychology? How should personality be understood?

3. Narcissistic Personality (I) | The True Spiritual Loner: The Narcissist

Narcissists can neither feel themselves nor others, becoming true spiritual loners.

4. Narcissistic Personality (II) | The growth path of a narcissist: I cannot be myself

Narcissistic damage occurs when a person cannot be himself or herself, or is even asked to sacrifice himself or herself to meet the expectations of others.

5. Narcissistic Personality (Part 3) | How to Get Along with a Narcissist: I Don’t Belong to You

Don't use the narcissist's evaluation of you as a standard for your own requirements

6. Masochistic Personality (I) | Every time you feel loved, it is related to pain

I deserve to be loved only after all the torture

7. Masochistic Personality (II) | I don’t deserve all the good things

Using self-abuse to heal heartbreak

8. Masochistic Personality (Part 3) | There is pain in love, but love is not pain

You are worthy of being loved unconditionally

9. Building self-esteem | The heroic path of people with low self-esteem

How to improve your self-esteem?

10. Depressive Personality (I) | Living in the Dark Winter

Barren, desolate, lifeless

11. Depressive Personality (II) | Being ashamed of one's own human needs

I'm not good enough, I'm flawed, I'm evil

12. Depressive Personality (III) | When the door opens, I will be there and light will flow in.

Look, I'm an imperfect human being.

13. Know that you can be sad

Those whose voices shake the world often suffer from depression.

14. Obsessive-compulsive personality (I) | Stubborn and indifferent, this world is very obsessive

If it's not perfect, it's a complete failure.

15. Obsessive-compulsive personality (II) | The repressed dark impulses of human nature

All the plausible arguments are because the heart is full of doubts

16. Obsessive-compulsive personality (Part 3) | Indulgence is sometimes an expression of human nature

Just because you made a mistake doesn't mean you're a bad person.

17. What to do with compulsion? | I can’t stop

Cut off those lingering thoughts and ideas

18. Paranoid Personality (I) | The Little Hitler in Our Hearts

Cold, suspicious, dictator traits

19. Paranoid Personality (II) | Outsiders are everyone except me

Living in endless anxiety

20. Paranoid Personality (Part 3) | Black and white is not the only truth in life

In chaos, you may become paranoid

21. Achievement Motivation | It doesn’t matter if you want to succeed or be content with the status quo

What is more important to you?

22. Histrionic Personality (I) | The world is a pearl, and I am its highlight

Performers in the spotlight

23. Histrionic Personality (II) | All my performances are in the hope that you will take care of them

I hope you can see my vulnerability

24. Histrionic Personality (Part 3) | When the lights go out, you still have my eyes

Let's try to say goodbye to the stage

25. Attachment | What really matters is the experience of the relationship

How can I change my attachment style?

26. 52 psychology class questions and answers, ask questions to Jane Lili

Extra Chapter | Ask Jane Lili the First Question and Answer Week

27. Why don’t we give advice easily?

Extra Chapter | Ask Jane Lili Q&A Week 2

28. Does every personality have flaws?

Extra Chapter | Ask Jane Lili Q&A Week 3

29. Why are we always in conflict?

Extra Chapter | Ask Jane Lili Q&A Week 4

30. Antisocial Personality (I) | Manipulating others is their pleasure

Having no guilt is probably the scariest thing.

31. Antisocial Personality (II) | Talking about the antisocial traits of the nanny who set fire in Hangzhou

Lying, impulsiveness, and not taking risks

32. Cold-bloodedness | A cold-blooded president sits in the House of Cards

When emotional experience is cut off

33. Why can’t we leave people who hurt us?

Make an alliance with someone who hurts you

34. Schizoid and Avoidant Personality (I) | Those who enjoy loneliness and those who suffer from it

Similar avoidance, completely different motivations.

35. Schizoid and Avoidant Personality (Part 2) | I think it’s good to be alone

The struggle between being too close and too distant

36. Schizoid and Avoidant Personality (Part 3) | Don’t want to be disturbed, but also worry about being rejected

How to deal with a split/avoidant person?

37. Do introverts need to become more extroverts?

I am an introverted fish swimming in the waters of extroverts

38. Borderline Personality Disorder (I) | Between the two extremes of black and white, there is a lot of emotion

You are the best person and the worst person.

39. Borderline Personality Disorder (II) | Willing to give everything, just to avoid being abandoned

One second I was elated, the next second I was crying

40. Borderline Personality Disorder (Part 3) | People without skin protection

Emotions have no skin to protect them, and even the slightest touch can cause great pain.

41. Where is your level of personality health?

Normal, neurotic, borderline

42. Gossip about Freud

The turbulent life of the founder of psychology

43. Freud's theory of personality and instinct

The subconscious mind is a rushing beast

44. Our defense mechanisms against the world (I)

Repression, sublimation, substitution, denial

45. Our defense mechanisms against the world (Part 2)

Primary and secondary defense

46. ​​Primary Defense Mechanism

Out-of-body experience, extreme dissociation

47. What are some well-established defense mechanisms used to protect yourself?

All jokes have a lot of meaning

48. Explore consciousness and personality, and live more consciously

Being more sober does not necessarily mean being happier.

49. Adler: The first person to break with Freud

Theory comes from real life

50. Explore your identity

Who are you?

51. The 8 stages of personality development

Resolve crises and achieve growth.

52. The Self-Actualization Pursuer: Maslow

What do self-actualized people look like?

53. Remove obstacles to growth and people will grow on their own

No one knows you better than you do

54. Discover your own core qualities

What words would you use to describe yourself?

55. Psychology from the perspective of behaviorists

What cannot be seen or touched has no future

56. Write at the end of the journey

57. Extra | Why is it so frustrating to get along with people? (with Jian Lili’s own answer)

Jane Lili's Q&A Episode 5

58. Extra | Are narcissists conceited or inferior? (with Jian Lili’s personal answer)