Life is too tense? Maybe you need a little relaxation

A netizen shared an experience that she envied: a family went on a trip, but before boarding the plane, they encountered unexpected situations such as the child's ID expired and the luggage needed to be re-checked. Everyone around them was worried about them, but unexpectedly, the family was very calm, without any complaints or quarrels, and easily resolved the whole thing. The netizen who watched the whole process said: "I was sitting next to them, and I don't know why I felt like crying. It turns out that there are such loose family relationships in this world ."

Do you feel a little emotional after reading this? In daily life, we seem to encounter the exact opposite situation: > Many people check their phones every ten seconds even if they don’t have any work notifications, always worried that they will miss some information, and even hear hallucinations even though their phones are not ringing.

Some people easily lose control of their emotions. When faced with small problems, they become anxious or restless. Sometimes they experience physiological reactions such as dizziness, stomach pain, and dry heaving. In the end, not only do the problems not get solved, but their bad temper also makes them sick.

Paranoia, tension, anxiety... these emotions are all contrary to "relaxation". So, how can we have a "relaxation" that allows us to live a leisurely life?

01

Why do you feel "tight"?

First, let's talk about how "tenseness" becomes the norm in our lives. It is related to inner security, interpersonal security, and childhood experiences.

Some people have a "field-dependent" personality. They need the presence of others to gain a sense of security and feel at ease in external dependent relationships. Such people will feel "tight" when they are alone.

Others thoroughly enjoy being alone, but become stressed or even nervous when they are around too many people.

Childhood experiences accompany a person's psychological growth, and both internal and external sense of security are developed on this basis. Stable and long-term companionship in childhood can bring a sense of security, but if a childhood is filled with quarrels, abuse, or even violence, it is easy to go to extremes when growing up.

However, this does not mean that an uneven childhood is destined to lead to a restless life. The "sense of relaxation" can be developed after birth .

02

How can we have a sense of relaxation?

According to the polyvagal theory, "relaxation" is a psychological state in which the ventral vagus nerve is active. In this state, people feel safe, hopeful, and have good relationships with people around them.

You know, what really makes a person collapse is never busy work, but the mental inability to breathe .

The core of “relaxation” is emotional stability and excellent self-regulation ability, “the face remains unchanged even when Mount Tai collapses in front of you”.

For ordinary people, how can they live a life of relaxation?

The most important thing is to accept your negative emotions .

In life, each of us may have negative emotions such as anger, sadness, grievance, anxiety, etc. This is normal. You don’t have to suppress yourself and give negative emotions space to exist.

If you feel sad, you can cry loudly, or talk to a friend or have a meal;

If you feel wronged, try to express your thoughts and demands;

If you are angry, you can count silently in your mind "1, 2, 3, 5..." to let yourself pass the most "excited" time, relax and calm down, and then express yourself;

…

Secondly, look at things from a different perspective. A coin has two sides. Sometimes something may seem bad at the moment, but from a different perspective or after a period of time, it may become a good thing.

Third, learn to "slow down" . When you are stressed, slow yourself down. If you have the urge to "act impulsively", take a deep breath and let out a long sigh to give your brain time and give negative emotions time to fade away.

Finally, plan your life reasonably . In an orderly life, people are more likely to relax and try not to be chased by life and work, and be more prepared.

However, don’t become anxious just because one or two things deviate from your plan. When things go off track, refer back to the second point, “Let the bullets fly for a while.”

Our lives are spent in constantly encountering and solving problems. It seems that there is no end, but in fact, the process of solving problems is the meaning of life .

Author: Tang Sisi