People who feel that "nothing is interesting" may not be depressed, but they are ignoring this crisis.

Have you ever had this question:

"Why do some people always feel that they are not as good as others even though they are obviously excellent?"

A netizen's contribution attracted everyone's attention. She said: "I feel like I have become an excellent waste."

This is a girl born in 1997. In the eyes of many people, she is a typical "other people's child":

He studied at a famous American university, and after graduation he joined a well-known local consulting company through his own efforts and earned a good income.

The girl originally thought that she was excellent, but when she saw her younger classmates entering this industry, she felt that she was just so-so.

This fall, the girl plans to study for an MBA at the world-renowned business school, the Wharton School.

But when she hears that someone is going to Harvard, she thinks that other people are so amazing and she feels inferior to them.

The girl even thought that she could speak English fluently and had taught herself Spanish, but when she heard someone speak English without any accent and even knew French and other languages, she felt that she still had a long way to go.

This girl may have a relatively common psychological symptom currently - "meaning hunger" .

The simple explanation is -

· They excessively pursue a sense of “meaning” in everything they do, with a strong sense of purpose.

· Although you may seem good enough in the eyes of outsiders, you still feel pain from time to time because you have not found the meaning.

Why are the better people more likely to have "meaning hunger"? What impact will "meaning hunger" have on us? How can we reduce the "meaning hunger" deep in our hearts and go into battle with a light load? Today, let's have a good chat with you.

Why are the more outstanding people

More likely to have "meaning hunger"?

I believe that in the eyes of most people, the girl mentioned above can be regarded as an exceptionally outstanding person.

But why is she still so self-defeating and feels that she is inferior to others?

This is really not her "Versailles" . Because from her description, we can easily guess that the girl should have always been a person with a strong sense of purpose since she was a child.

She was able to accomplish all the goals she set for herself or others, so she kept moving forward on the road to success and finally achieved good results.

At this time, a problem arose: as the goals were achieved one by one, there was suddenly no road ahead, and she didn't know which way to go.

At this time, the habit of "learning from excellent people" that the girl had developed since childhood rose in her heart again. But she also fell into confusion because there were too many answers.

Who is the next person she should learn from? Some people can live happily without making too much money; some people have a high talent for languages; some people have rich travel experience... The girl suddenly found that there are too many things to learn, and it is impossible to achieve them all at once.

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Although her life was going well and she had no faults, she was confused about where to go next. In fact, there are many excellent people around us who have the same problem as this girl.

They have been following the established success framework since childhood.

Study hard and get into a top university; find a decent job and earn a high salary; find a suitable partner to marry and have children, and then raise your own children in the same way...As a result, many people feel that they have become parts in a "social factory" in the end.

I just followed the production line step by step, without considering whether it was suitable for me or whether I liked it. I thought it was useful, so I studied it blindly; my parents thought it was a good major, so I studied it obediently; until I grew up, I lost my perception of life.

Over time, the self gradually disappears, and constantly comparing oneself with others leads to an insatiable sense of satisfaction and endless anxiety...

So what should we do next to make our current life meaningful?

In fact, you should not be too concerned about whether your current life has any meaning, and do not be obsessed with defining the meaning of something, because all these actions are unnecessary.

Don’t be hungry for meaning

Ruined your own happiness

The writer and Xiao Wei had this experience: in the past 4 years, he tried to resume his running habit but always failed. Why?

Xiaowei said that he did achieve his goal at the beginning, running 5 kilometers on the first day. But on the second day, he started to get lazy - the thought of running filled his heart with fatigue because he was too tired yesterday.

So he watched time pass by little by little, and a feeling of self-blame surged in his heart. He felt that he was so bad for being able to hold on for only one day.

Two days later, He Xiaowei forced himself to run again, but after running one or two kilometers, he began to pant and had to walk. As he walked, he felt disgusted with himself, thinking that his physical fitness was too poor and he could not run for such a short time.

As a result, his disgust for himself became stronger and stronger, and he finally gave up and stopped running. Even if he stopped running, the self-denial in his heart still existed. So he began to worry and waste his energy, thinking that he could not even accomplish a small thing and was destined to achieve nothing.

One of the symptoms of "meaning hunger" is "too strong a sense of purpose."

For example, if you have to run 5 kilometers every day, it’s meaningless if you don’t achieve it today, and you will blame yourself for being too bad; if you have to memorize 2,000 words a week, if you don’t finish memorizing them, it means you don’t have enough perseverance...

A psychologist once said: "Everyone is born with narcissistic attributes. We hope that we are good and excellent. Therefore, we will instinctively avoid facing our bad side."

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Most people who suffer from "meaning hunger" are actually perfectionists. Because they subconsciously think they are excellent, they either don't do a thing or do it to perfection.

Just like the girl mentioned at the beginning, attending a prestigious American university, working for a top company, mastering multiple languages...each of these experiences is infinitely close to the secular definition of a "winner in life."

But she still feels that she is not as good as she imagined, because she is not omnipotent and is not as good as others in many things.

Pursuing the meaning of something too much can easily make people anxious, self-destructive, or fall into nihilism.

How to reduce the hunger for meaning

Psychological baggage?

You can try the following 3 methods:

1

Set small goals and build a positive relationship with yourself

People who suffer from "meaning hunger" tend to set overly high goals for themselves.

For example, running 5 kilometers a day, memorizing 2,000 words a week, etc. If you can't stick to it, you will easily fall into self-blame.

We can try to break down our goals into detail and simplify them to the point where they can be achieved with a little effort.

For example, simplify running 5 kilometers a day to 20 minutes of exercise a day, in any form; simplify memorizing 2,000 words a week to memorizing 10 words a day, and memorize more when you have time; simplify reading 5 books a month to reading 10 pages a day, focusing on appreciating the charm of the text.

You may be surprised to see this: “Isn’t this too little?! Does this make sense?”

Don’t worry about whether it makes sense or not, but think about this: the purpose of doing these things is not to make yourself excellent immediately, but to establish a good relationship with yourself and slowly develop a habit that you feel comfortable with, so that you can truly enjoy it and feel happy.

You should know that those who run 5 kilometers a day and memorize 2,000 words a week are not forcing themselves to be self-disciplined, but they develop habits because of their passion, which eventually becomes the so-called "self-discipline."

Try to love it first, then slowly turn it into a habit. Later you will find that when you start to enjoy the process, that is the meaning of doing this thing.

Finally, don’t forget to celebrate the little things.

Because when you can celebrate 20 minutes of exercise a day, it means that every time you exercise, you will no longer feel pressure, but a sense of satisfaction of "I am great". This sense of satisfaction will nourish people, give people more motivation, and go further.

2

Develop a hobby that supports you

Let me give you an example from my own life - my friend Butterfly suffers from typical "meaning hunger syndrome". Her situation is similar to the girl mentioned at the beginning. She is beautiful, rich and talented, but she still feels that her life is meaningless.

In view of this, I advised her to develop a hobby that can support herself. Butterfly was more interested in painting, so she signed up for an oil painting class and began to learn painting.

After studying for half a year, she put several of her more satisfactory works on a second-hand platform for sale. One of the paintings was bought by the mother of an autistic child.

Later, the mother left a message to Butterfly, saying that her child liked her paintings very much and had signed up to learn painting. Now her painting skills are getting better and better, and her autism has also improved.

Butterfly told me that she suddenly felt the meaning of life.

I told her that the process of painting itself is meaningful. No matter how the painting turns out, as long as she feels healed in the process, it is worth doing.

3

Practice “wasting time”

It is also a very good idea to learn how to "waste time" and allow yourself to "waste time" occasionally.

For example, do nothing but lie down and listen to music quietly for 20 minutes; be in a daze alone at the beach; bask in the sun on the lawn in the park; sit on the side of the road and watch two cats chasing and playing...

Don't treat everything in your life with purpose. Even if it seems "meaningless" in the secular sense, as long as you feel it is meaningful, it's fine.

4

Read more philosophy books and enter the "flow mode"

The book "Insight: From Science to Philosophy" mentions a very interesting way of thinking: "Our pain comes largely from the control of our brain over us."

This means that pain arises because we easily define ourselves. For example, if we think a person is good, then everything that person does is right, and even if they do something unconventional, we will think that they have no choice but to do so.

On the contrary, if you think that this person is a bad person, then everything he does is wrong. Even if he helps others, you will still think that he has ulterior motives.

People who suffer from "meaning hunger" will easily define themselves like this - if I don't accomplish this thing, I am a failure; although I am not bad, this person is worse than me in some aspects, so I am still not as good as him/her.

The book also mentions that this is a manifestation of cognitive imbalance (distorted expectations), because that is what "you" think, and it is all caused by subjective thoughts.

If you can practice not thinking this way, then we can break free from our brain’s control over us and, in turn, from the pain.

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Last words

A column in the New York Times put forward a point of view: not everything has to have "meaning", and the true meaning may only emerge at the right time.

A large number of psychological studies have shown that some ways of thinking, such as growth mindset, gratitude, and finding meaning in struggle, can improve people's sense of happiness.

If what you are going through makes you miserable and empty, trying to hold on to a sense of meaning will only hinder you, not help you get better. Therefore, what we need to do is not to dwell on the meaning of one thing.

In our daily lives, we can set goals, but we don’t have to be perfect; we can acknowledge our shortcomings, but we must also affirm our strengths.

Most importantly, be patient with yourself and allow yourself to take your time. As long as you enjoy each moment, every moment is worth it.

Finally, I would like to leave you with a word of advice: take it slow, things will get better.

Planning and production

Source: Yixinligongkaike (ID: yixinligongkaike)

Author: Xia Mu

Editor: Wang Mengru

Proofread by Xu Lailinlin