This seemingly free attitude towards life is killing your sense of being alive...

When I woke up on the weekend, a class invitation from a fitness trainer popped up on my phone. I hesitated for a moment, thinking that it would be troublesome to find equipment to change clothes, so I swiped away the notification and thought, "Forget it, I'll talk about it next week."

A friend in the chat box sent me a message, inviting me to go to a new coffee shop. I was very tempted, but when I thought about the seven or eight subway stops I had to take, my motivation to go out disappeared. So I replied: Maybe next time...

I believe many people have had this experience. Although they were motivated to do something, they were ultimately held back by the fear of trouble, avoiding the small step they could have taken and missing out on some new and fresh life fun. Over time, they were no longer motivated, and fell into a negative stagnation, feeling that everything around them was boring, and even less willing to try new things.

On social media platforms, many netizens helplessly mocked themselves, saying that this state is tantamount to "a living person being slightly dead."

Image source: A social platform

Today's young people are trapped in

On the seesaw of "want" and "fear"

In fact, behind this contradictory mentality lies the classic approach-avoidance conflict mechanism in psychology.

When people are faced with a choice that may bring benefits but also comes with risks or costs, approach-avoidance conflict quietly arises. When an individual has both approach (desire) and avoidance (worry) motivations towards the same thing, they will fall into a decision-making dilemma. Many people call this inner tug-of-war "entanglement", and there are many examples of people giving up because of entanglement.

The formation of the "fear of trouble" mentality is also closely related to the brain's loss aversion mechanism. Studies have shown that people are 2.5 times more sensitive to potential losses than to the same gains. Therefore, when we predict that something will require cognitive resources, time costs, or emotional investment, the prefrontal cortex will sound the alarm in advance, and the amygdala will be like an overly sensitive smoke alarm, identifying "trouble" as a kind of survival threat.

Therefore, when people think that a certain goal is difficult to achieve, or that pursuing this goal may bring potential risks beyond their ability to bear, they tend to exaggerate the unfavorable factors and ignore the positive impact of the goal. This cognitive bias makes people more inclined to choose conservative methods that do not require too much effort when making decisions, that is, they show a "trouble-free" attitude.

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For example, people in the workplace want to learn new skills to improve their competitiveness (approach motivation), but they are held back by concerns such as "the course is too time-consuming" and "I may not be able to learn it" (avoidance motivation). This psychological state is like stepping on the accelerator and brake at the same time, and the energy is exhausted in internal friction. From the perspective of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), always taking an avoidance attitude because of "fear of trouble" is a maladaptive coping strategy.

CBT divides individual cognition into three levels: automatic thinking, intermediate beliefs, and core beliefs. People who are used to giving up because they are afraid of trouble, in their avoidance mode, the surface is the automatic thinking of "fear of trouble" (such as "it's too hard to deal with this"), and the deeper level may be related to dysfunctional core beliefs (such as "I am incompetent" and "I must be perfect").

When people face an anxious or fearful emotion, avoidance behavior (such as procrastination, social refusal, etc.) is triggered. Although this behavior can temporarily reduce discomfort, it will consolidate negative cognition through cognitive reinforcement cycles. For example, an individual may internalize "avoiding trouble = safety" into the belief "I must escape to avoid pain."

Beware of being afraid of trouble

Trapped in a vicious cycle

It is important to emphasize that everyone has had the experience of giving up due to laziness or cost-weighing, and there is no need to blame them for this.

However, if we generalize to the point of using "giving up" and "avoiding" to deal with most challenges, conflicts and possibilities in life, it is tantamount to giving up the pursuit of self-realization. This vicious cycle will make people indifferent, withdrawn, empty and filled with a sense of meaninglessness.

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This "comfort trap" at the expense of avoidance is essentially sacrificing long-term functional development in exchange for short-term emotional relief. Long-term repeated avoidance behavior will strengthen these distorted cognitions, causing people to initiate stronger anxiety reactions in similar situations and develop more rigid behavior patterns.

On the cognitive level, always repeating the pattern of "fear of trouble" will weaken people's problem-solving ability and reduce cognitive flexibility;

In terms of behavioral consequences, various avoidance behaviors are more likely to lead to alienation in interpersonal relationships and reduced professional effectiveness, and procrastination is a typical example;

Not to mention the emotional level, the vicious cycle of "anxiety-avoidance-more anxiety" may even cause individuals to fall into learned helplessness.

The loss caused by fear of trouble is far more than just missing the deadline. According to self-determination theory, when people rely on external reasons for action for a long time (such as "I must finish it or I will be scolded"), they will gradually lose their internal motivation - the natural driving force of "I want to do it". Just like a child who is coaxed by his parents to practice piano with rewards, once the rewards disappear, playing the piano immediately becomes a "troublesome thing".

According to Bandura's "self-efficacy" theory, the way people choose to deal with trouble is related to their self-efficacy. Every time you give up because you are afraid of trouble, you are silently reinforcing the belief that "I can't cope with challenges" and hurting your self-efficacy. Research shows that people with high self-efficacy believe in their abilities when completing tasks, show more self-confidence, and usually face problems head-on and take a positive approach to solve them.

A very meaningful conclusion is that, in general, moderately higher self-prejudgment of ability will point to more positive performance results. In one study, children with the same mathematical ability showed significant differences in solving practical mathematical problems. The key factor was the difference in children's self-efficacy.

Therefore, those who seem to be able to solve problems easily and smoothly are often more confident and believe that they can handle problems with a positive attitude.

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Change the "fear of trouble" mentality

It's not as difficult as I thought.

Many people believe that by not getting into trouble, they can build a comfort zone for themselves and live safely in it. But in fact, through positive behavioral strategies and cognitive regulation, they can have a better tolerance for "uneasiness" and "uncontrollability", which is the source of a deeper sense of security.

It is not that difficult to change the mentality of being afraid of trouble.

1

Strategy 1: Take a small step forward

Don’t try to achieve a big result at once, but try a 5% or even 1% change first. This “micro-start + over-achievement” model can activate the brain’s reward circuit.

The specific operation of this startup method is to break down the goal into the smallest unit that "cannot fail":

Want to get fit? Start with 5 squats a day and then gradually increase the amount.

Want to read? First, open the table of contents and read for 3 minutes to comfort yourself: "Reading is beneficial";

Want to learn a skill? Start by watching a 5-minute tutorial video every day.

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Strategy 2: The future you want

When you encounter a task that may cause you trouble, ignore the difficulties and obstacles and focus on the "desired future". The more specific the description of the goal, the better.

For example, if you want a balcony garden, you should first fully imagine the beautiful scene when the flowers bloom, imagine how your relatives and friends will envy and praise you, and imagine the joy of being in it...

When the motivation of "wanting" is strong enough and the picture is real enough, we will accumulate enough power and courage to deal with the various difficulties in the process.

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Strategy 3: Find some partners

Whether it's a good friend who is full of energy and always pulls you to try new restaurants and new movies, or a learning software that sends you text messages and emails every day and urges you to "check in", they are actually good partners that can help you overcome the "fear of trouble" mentality.

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It is also a good idea to introduce some rewards and punishments appropriately.

For example, some learning communities require participants to pay a small deposit, which can only be returned after completing the learning task. Under this mechanism, many people have successfully completed their learning tasks.

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Strategy 4: Add a sense of ritual

Breaking the vicious circle of "fear of trouble" by adding a sense of ritual is essentially using psychological suggestion and behavior reinforcement mechanisms to rebuild a sense of control over life from both the inner needs and external actions.

People with low self-efficacy tend to catastrophize tasks (such as “writing a report is too hard, I can’t do it”), while a sense of ritual gradually builds confidence by breaking down goals and providing immediate feedback.

For example, prepare tea before writing a report, change the computer wallpaper to work-specific, and even play a few minutes of fixed "startup music" for yourself...

These ritual behaviors cue the brain to get into working order, just like an athlete’s warm-up before a game, reinforcing the belief that “I can do it” through a fixed process.

Conclusion

Perhaps, trying to accept that you are currently in a state of "fear of trouble" is the first step to awareness and change. When we regard "fear of trouble" as a normal reaction of the psychological immune system, just like understanding muscle soreness after exercise, we can gain the power to break through.

Those seemingly troublesome things are often the growth levels set by life - just like the boss battle in the game, you can always unlock new skills after defeating it. The next time when the thought of "this is so troublesome" comes to your mind, you might as well say to yourself: "This is a copy worth conquering, and the reward for passing the level is an upgraded version of me."

Planning and production

Author: Dou Yuanyuan, psychological counselor, member of China Science Writers Association

Reviewer: Fan Chunlei, Associate Researcher, Institute of Psychology, Chinese Academy of Sciences

Planning丨Yinuo

Editor: Yinuo

Proofread by Xu Lai and Lin Lin