That's how you become a bad programmer.

[[133974]]

It’s hard to be a good developer. Let’s talk about how to be a bad developer!

Only learn once

If you want to implement a function and make it work properly, is your method like this?

Don't touch, don't think, don't think about whether it can be improved

Why should I fix the problem? If it's not broken, then there's no need to fix it, right? It doesn't matter if it's slow, it doesn't matter if the code is unreadable or copied and pasted from some other part of the program, or even from some shady website. As long as it fixes the problem, then it's fine.

So, we don't read books, blogs, articles, opinions, or webcasts. Why do you need to solve this problem? It's obvious that your knowledge is the best match, and it seems that you are the only one who can solve this problem, so... you think there is no need to waste time - once you have mastered this knowledge, there is no need to study it in depth!

By the way, you don’t need to learn a new programming language. Groovy? Clojure? Scala? Ugh, they’re all shams! Look at all those guys who only know COBOL: they’re still doing great!

Don't dwell on what you've learned

Well, you learned something after all. You searched for solutions on StackOverflow, stumbled upon an interesting article by Martin Fowler, or got bored and put The Clean Coder away.

Anyway, don't study what you have learned. Yes, just follow these rigid contents blindly: don't verify the truth of this knowledge, and don't check whether it suits your style! Only learn everything once, dear!

Observe from different angles, and then think of some unique insights... Why bother? Apply it, solve the problem, and then you can go home and play games. We'll talk about the future later, just muddle through, okay?

Not accepting opinions and guidance from others

This is obvious because...are they necessarily right?

You've learned how to solve this problem. And it works. That's it. Why should anyone question your coding style? You don't need to learn other ways to solve the problem!

It's really annoying to talk too much and it hurts our ego. So don't listen to these guys.

No need to make your code readable

Think about it: why should we make our code readable? As if we should always go back to it? Your code is already awesome and works, so we don't need to touch it.

Besides, the computer doesn't care if the code is readable or not, as long as it runs the program. Your code is not written to be read by other programmers. In fact, only you can read it, so you have to have the job, right?

Don’t write tests

Only losers need testing. Testing is the epitaph of fools.

Believe that your code is perfect! You will never make a mistake - if you do, it's because the programming language is flawed or the machine is wrong.

If the code works on your machine, there is no reason why it shouldn't work elsewhere, forever.

Don’t do anything else except writing code.

Why do you need to analyze requirements, understand the business, write tests, and learn how to deploy outside your own computer?

Besides, these things don’t really help you write code, do they? Is there anything useful in completing these tasks other than wasting time?

Don’t help others

Don't help others: let them figure it out on their own. They may ask you how you solved their perceived problem, but why bother telling them? It's already been solved, isn't it?

Also, that programmer might just be like you and won't listen to anyone else's advice. Remember that one: "Don't accept opinions or guidance from others."

Helping others is not only time-consuming, but it also makes you doubt your own knowledge and abilities, which should not happen. So, everyone should mind their own business and not worry about other people's troubles.

in conclusion

Master all of the above techniques and you will have successfully become a terrible developer. A terrible but comfortable developer. Don't thank me!

Cheers to that!

…

Hey, you said you don't want to be a bad developer?

Okay, but first, I want to tell you solemnly that this road will definitely be difficult, please be mentally prepared:

For all the tips above on how to be a "bad developer", do the exact opposite. Yes, I mean every single one!
Reflect and self-criticize regularly: Is this effective? Why is it effective? Why is it ineffective? Is there any possibility of improvement? The thinking process may make people extremely headache, but it will also make you continue to improve.
Read The Clean Coder by Robert C. Martin. This is not a sales pitch. If you are interested in becoming a truly professional developer, and not just a bad developer, it is worth every penny.

Okay, now let’s head towards our goal!