90% of life depends on "talking"

We talk, communicate and chat with others every day, but we unknowingly become the source of troubles and stress:

I don't know what to talk about when we first meet.

The topic cannot be continued, and the pressure is huge

Unable to speak the truth

…

Each of us has had many failed experiences of saying the wrong things. If you have a fear of communication due to the fear of saying the wrong things, how should you change?

01 How to speak in a way that attracts others

Getting up early to go to the market, Xiao Zhang was attracted by the dazzling array of fresh fruits and vegetables. There were many stalls in the morning market, and the owners were shouting loudly. There was even one standing in the middle of the road holding two lettuces and shouting about the big sale. Some stalls were crowded, while the owners of other stalls frowned and let the business be taken away by the stall next door.

Xiao Zhang discovered that a popular stall owner was very humorous and good at chatting and negotiating prices with customers. He turned his shouting into a ditty and sang it:

Today is my boss' birthday, so I'm giving away a lot of free gifts! Buy a pound of peaches and get a free plum, buy a pound of strawberries and get a free apricot. Don't say these peaches, plums and apricots are worthless, they are just my birthday mood today~

The way of speaking that attracts others is not to persuade, but to create a pleasant atmosphere.

This is the same principle when promoting a product. When you enthusiastically introduce a product to others, but are always self-centered and trying to convince others, you will not attract customers.

Similarly, in the workplace or community, if you overly seek to gain attention from people around you, no one will want to approach you.

(Illustration of "Efficient Communication" P81)

In the crowded square, a dancing man suddenly appeared. Many people around him stared at him with surprised eyes, and many people pretended not to see him and hurriedly left the square. However, not long after, other people began to dance with him. After that, more and more people followed him, and finally the whole square was as lively as an open-air dance hall.

The first person dancing, although he was alone at first, enjoyed it and naturally attracted others. This plot vividly reflects a psychology: people are easily attracted to happy people.

To persuade someone forcefully is like forcing someone to dance. The same is true when you need help from people around you. The first thing you need to do is to move yourself and show enthusiasm. In this way, someone will definitely ask you if they need help. Those who come to you to lend a hand are the strongest helpers who are automatically attracted by the atmosphere you create.

02 Three key points and one speech technique that everyone who knows how to speak can grasp

There are three things that people want:

① People care about themselves the most.

②Everyone hopes to gain recognition and understanding from others

③ People prefer those who understand them

People who know how to speak have thoroughly understood the above three points and apply them to their communication with others. On the basis of grasping the above three points, the speaking skill that people who know how to speak generally use is the expansion of speech.

(Illustration of "Efficient Communication" P18)

There is a unique sequential process for expanding speech, which is exclamation → repetition → resonance → praise → questioning.

① Exclamation: When listening, show that you are serious and have deep sympathy.

The other party: “This has happened before!”

You can choose to answer: "Really?" "Oh!" "What?" "Wow!" "Really?"

People who know how to speak will flexibly choose these interjections to echo the other party. The key points of exclamation are, first, the tone should be exaggerated. When chatting online, you can add exclamation marks, question marks or hearts after your response. There are all kinds of emoticons nowadays, and everyone can choose at will; second, extend your tone and make your interjections longer. Extending the tone can allow more emotions to be invested. Try to say "Really?" and compare it yourself. When the pronunciation of "吗" is dragged out longer, you will feel a fuller emotion bursting in with your long sound, and this emotion will naturally be felt by the other party.

② Repeat what the other person said

“I recently started jogging.” → “Jogging? That’s great!”

"I love curry." → "Oh? Curry? It's delicious." "I love preparing a lot of seasonings and making my own curry." → "A lot of seasonings? It must be very rich!"

By repeating what the other person has said like this, they will be more likely to continue talking about the same topic.

③ Resonance: Expressing emotionally that you understand what the other person is saying.

"Okay, I understand." "It must be hard." "Great!" "That's hard!" These words can all express that you resonate with the other person. After the other person finishes speaking, you nod deeply and make the same expression as the other person. Depending on the situation, you can respond emotionally or quietly.

④Praise: evaluate the other person.

Interjections can certainly express emotion, but compliments like “Great!”, “Thank you so much!”, “You’re so worthy of me!” can have a tenfold effect.

⑤ Ask questions: In order to expand the topic around the other person's content, ask additional questions after he or she finishes speaking.

Asking questions like "What happened next?", "Tell me more about it.", "How are things going now?", etc., and inserting your concern at the right time is equivalent to cheering the other person up, so that the other person can start his or her own topic very naturally.

This is the biggest purpose of extended speech: to expand the other party’s conversation content.

(Illustration of "Efficient Communication" P63)

There is only one way to make yourself good at communicating with others, and that is: communicate less with difficult people, and communicate more with people you like.

Rather than saying the right thing, it is better to say what others like.

Source: China Science and Technology Press