Frequent chatting with the opposite sex will lead to "love illusion"? Do you know the psychological reasons behind it?

Expert of this article: Zhao Wei, MD, associate chief physician, Tianjin University Teda Hospital

Love is an ancient and eternal topic.

Recently, the China Youth Network Campus News Agency conducted a questionnaire survey among 994 college students across the country on the topic of "Will frequent chatting with the opposite sex create illusions of love?" The results showed that 63% of the college students believed that it would create illusions of love, while 37% believed that it would not.

"Will frequent chatting with the opposite sex lead to the illusion of love?" Scale chart. China Youth Network reporter Li Huaxi made the chart

There are also many people who feel that the other person likes them as soon as they chat. Why do they have the illusion of being in love?

What is a love illusion?

American psychologist Sternberg believes that perfect love consists of three elements: intimacy, passion and commitment.

Intimacy does not necessarily refer to physical intimacy, but rather to the beautiful and warm experience from each other during the mutual interaction. Passion refers to physical intimacy, and commitment refers to the guarantee made to continue love.

In the process of interactions between men and women in real life, sometimes one party will give emotional comfort to the other party (sometimes unintentionally), and over time a kind of dependence will be formed, causing the other party's perception to be distorted and create the illusion of love.

Will frequent chatting with the opposite sex create the illusion of love?

There are many things and people in life that you hate at first, such as a song or a person.

But as time goes by, you find that he (it) is not so annoying anymore, and you may even slowly start to like him (it).

This is a psychological effect called the "mere exposure effect", which states that the more people come into contact with other people or objects, the more they like them.

The mere contact effect is an important reason for office romances. There is a story circulating online: a man wrote hundreds of love letters to his girlfriend who lived far away, and she ended up marrying the postman.

If you chat with the opposite sex frequently and often share things in your life, these behaviors will increase the intimacy between the two of you. At this time, it will give the other person the illusion of love. However, if there is only intimacy without passion and commitment, it is obviously brotherhood, not love.

Everyone has the need to talk and share. If the other person can listen to your troubles and resonate with you at any time, and often ask about your well-being, this will give people the illusion of being in love.

Modern social software comes with built-in filter functions. When using QQ and WeChat to chat, the brain will imagine the person we often chat with as what we want him to be. At this time, the other person's advantages will be magnified and their shortcomings will be automatically filtered out. In addition, various emoticons and inappropriate names on social media will also play a role in the illusion of love.

Spending less time together is the reason for the breakup of a relationship

The primary reason is lack of trust.

Being apart for a long time and not knowing each other's plans and schedules will lead to a lack of trust between the two parties. It takes a long time to build trust, but it only takes a few seconds to destroy it. A small lie may cause a crisis of trust.

Lack of physical contact.

Kissing, hugging or holding hands will cause the body to release oxytocin, serotonin and other hormones, making people feel happy.

Lack of common language and life trajectory.

Reading together, playing games, listening to music, exercising, eating together, etc., these activities can maintain intimacy between couples and generate empathy. Studies have shown that interdependent relationships are the healthiest two-person relationships. If you spend a long time apart and the other person can do everything on his own, then you may drift apart.

Some people feel that others like them as soon as they chat?

Psychological confirmation bias.

If a man has the idea that "she likes me", he will collect evidence to support this idea and automatically ignore or block the contrary evidence. For example, "Why is she talking to me if she doesn't like me?", "She is smiling at me, she must like me", etc. This is called confirmation bias in psychology. Generally speaking, this situation can be corrected by itself during the process of communication. Such people are generally introverted and shy.

Delusion of love.

Some people suffer from erotomania. After chatting with the opposite sex a few times, they will feel that the opposite sex likes them and has a crush on them. Erotomania is a delusional idea that firmly believes that another person (usually better than oneself, or even a celebrity) has feelings for them. Even if the other party refuses many times, this idea is still deeply rooted, and they even regard the rejection as a test. Erotomania is more common in patients with schizophrenia or paranoid disorders.

What is the difference between the feeling of being in love and being in love?

Love is an emotional interaction between two people. When you are in love, the neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin released by the brain make you feel happy.

As time goes by, these pleasure hormone levels begin to decline, so the relationship gradually becomes dull. At this time, both parties need to manage to maintain the love.

The feeling of being in love is a subjective emotional experience of an individual. This emotional experience can also cause a chemical reaction in the brain. For example, when you see someone you like, dopamine and adrenaline begin to be secreted, your heart beats fast, and you instantly feel "high". This is the feeling of being in love.

This feeling can be temporary and does not depend on the other person. As the saying goes, "It's not love, but at that moment, it just feels like love!" So having the feeling of being in love does not mean being in love.

If you have this illusion

Before establishing a relationship

Let's think calmly:

To have a more stable and long-lasting relationship

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