Worth collecting! Develop this good habit and you will benefit from it for life!

Every parent hopes that their children will have good habits, such as putting away their own toys, washing hands before eating, studying before playing, completing homework on time, etc. ... But children always fail to develop good habits, which makes most parents very worried.

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So, how can we effectively develop good habits for children? Today, I will introduce an effective method: the micro-habit principle, which scientifically cultivates children's habits from the perspective of psychology and behavior.

01

What is the Mini Habits Principle? Why Does It Work?

The basis of the micro-habit principle is "micro-steps", that is, things are broken down into "incredibly small steps", using a small amount of willpower to complete a task. The originator of this methodology is Stephen Gass, who has helped many people on foreign self-growth websites and blogs.

One reader commented on this methodology vividly: "Before, I felt like I was living in a cage. Everything I found interesting was outside the cage, and I couldn't touch it. The micro-habit strategy gave me the key to open the cage."

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Before coming up with this methodology, Gus was a born lazy person who had a hard time sticking to anything. In order to change this, he began to study various strategies. At first, he did at least one push-up, read a few pages of a book, and wrote dozens of words every day. Two years later, he had a strong physique, wrote four times as many articles as before, and read 10 times more books.

This principle sounds simple, but why is the effect so significant? There are actually very complex mechanisms behind it. Understanding these mechanisms is the prerequisite for skillfully applying this principle.

What is a habit? A habit is a behavior that is easy to do but harder to stop. From the perspective of brain mechanism, a habit is a neural pathway in the brain. When we start to do a behavior, the brain begins to build a corresponding neural pathway, but at this time the neural pathway is still very unstable. Once you stop doing this behavior, the neural pathway will degenerate and disappear. As the behavior is repeated until it becomes a habit, the neural pathway associated with it will become more solid.

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Therefore, forming new habits is actually about building strong neural pathways.

Although our brains are plastic and can build various neural pathways, especially in childhood, plasticity is the strongest. But even children's brains change slowly and remain stable for a long time. Therefore, children also need to expend willpower to change the state of the brain and build new neural pathways, that is, to form new habits.

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However, one thing that many parents may overlook is that since children's brains are still in the development stage, their willpower is quite weak compared to that of adults. This is why many children are always unwilling to face difficulties and easily give up halfway. This is actually because their willpower is not fully developed.

Even if parents urge or even beat and scold their children, and force them to do something, it will be of no avail. It is impossible for a child to significantly improve his willpower overnight. Willpower also needs to be developed and trained gradually.

Micro-habits are based on this developmental perspective, because good habits benefit people for a lifetime. Therefore, there is no need to rush children to form habits in a short period of time. Instead, let children gradually develop habits step by step. The key to success is this "incredibly small step", and the child's willpower will also develop in the process.

02

It only takes eight steps to develop good habits for your children

"I understand the principle, but how should I do it?" Many parents will have this question when they see this. Next, we will use an eight-step implementation principle to teach you how to cultivate children's habits from every tiny step.

Step 1: Develop mini habits and plans with your child

The first step is also a very important step, so parents need to pay special attention to the following three points:

The first point is to make plans with your children. In our cultural environment, parents often have the main say and tell their children what to do. But in fact, children have developed self-awareness at a very young age and need others to respect their self-awareness. Parents can make their children feel respected enough by discussing with their children, so that children will be more willing to implement the plan.

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The second key point is to break down the goal into very small steps that your child can complete easily.

For example, if you want your child to develop a good habit of reading, you can let your child read for only 5 minutes a day (the actual time can be discussed and decided, but you must ensure that the child can complete it easily); if you want your child to develop a good habit of exercising, you can let your child do only 3 push-ups a day, or run for 5 minutes, as long as the child can complete it easily.

The third key point is to set a suitable time for development. How long does it take to develop a new habit? You may say 21 days, 30 days, etc., but the answer is not so simple and absolute.

In a paper published in the European Journal of Social Psychology, researchers asked subjects to perform an activity under the same conditions every day for a total of 12 weeks. The results showed that the average time required for a behavior to become a habit was 66 days, but the time required for different behaviors varied greatly, ranging from 18 days to 254 days.

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This tells us that the time it takes to develop a habit depends on the difficulty. If it is a simple habit, it may be formed in 21 days, while some more difficult habits may take longer.

Step 2: Tell or let your child understand the intrinsic value of micro habits

We all know that children are curious and always like to ask why. This is no exception when it comes to developing habits. Whether or not children ask why, they need to know why they should develop this habit, what benefits they will get from it, or what is interesting about it.

Similarly, at this point, if parents can use questions to let their children understand the benefits or fun of developing a certain habit by themselves, the effect will be better than telling the children directly.

Step 3: Incorporate micro habits into your schedule and check in regularly

In order to make the daily execution results more visual , you can buy a calendar or check-in schedule for your child. It is best to choose a style that your child thinks is beautiful and likes, so that your child can stamp or use a sticker to check in every time he or she completes a micro habit.

You can also write some inspiring quotes from famous people or the intrinsic value of the habit on the schedule to remind and encourage your child. Parents need to note that if the micro-habit is really well-formulated, the child will be able to stick to it most of the time. If you find that the child always fails to stick to it, you may need to reflect on whether the micro-habit is not well-formulated.

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Step 4: Create a reward mechanism to reward and enhance the sense of achievement

Creating a reward mechanism can be divided into two aspects. On the one hand, parents should praise their children generously. When the children complete the tasks of the day, they should praise the children in a timely manner. If the children persist for a period of time, they can also praise the children's performance during this period.

In addition, if the child has significant behavioral changes or other results in developing the habit, you can also praise the child more. But it should be clear that the purpose of praise is to let the child realize that his improvement comes from daily persistence . For example, if you praise the child for improving his Chinese grades, it must be because of daily reading.

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On the other hand, you can give appropriate material rewards . Children always want some small toys or dolls. Older children may also want sneakers or beautiful clothes. As long as the material allows, giving children a certain degree of rewards or meeting some of their requests, such as wanting to go to an amusement park to play, can greatly encourage children.

Step 5: Track your progress towards developing your mini habits

This step can also be combined with the third step. Checking in on a calendar is a way to track, and it can also be done electronically. There are many apps on the market that can be used to record, and you can even plant a garden or raise an electronic pet by checking in every day.

Step 6: Start small and exceed expectations

Micro Habits suggests starting with “an incredibly small step” so as not to consume too much of the child’s willpower. At the same time, it can also enhance willpower by gaining a sense of accomplishment.

But we still need to look at it from a developmental perspective . For example, when a child has persisted for a period of time and is able to accept reading for 5 minutes a day, if the child is reading some interesting stories, it may take more than 5 minutes. In this case, you can agree with the child to increase the reading time to 7 minutes, 10 minutes, or even gradually increase it to 30 minutes.

Because both a child's reading ability and willpower will gradually improve with time and training. As long as you ensure that the child can accept it, you can gradually increase the pace.

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Step 7: Get rid of high expectations

The key point of micro-habits lies in "micro", but parents are often easily impatient, or compare their children with other children, which leads to an eagerness to increase their children's task workload, or they often "paint the pie" for their children and tell them grand ultimate goals.

But in fact, children lack the ability to imagine long-term goals. Grand goals will bring great pressure to children, which is not conducive to their long-term persistence. Smaller goals that are easier to achieve and more realistic can motivate children. As mentioned earlier, good habits accompany a lifetime, and it is worth spending a little more time to help children develop good habits.

Step 8: Watch for signs of habit formation

In this step, parents need to be patient and careful. There are often several good habits that a child needs to develop. Parents can decide whether to cultivate several habits at the same time or one after another based on the child's actual situation or discussion results.

In either case, because micro-habits are very small, but they also take a certain amount of time to develop, parents must often observe whether their children have developed a certain habit, for example: Does the child still have resistance? Does the child procrastinate when taking action? Has it become a normalized behavior? Does it still need to be reminded by others? There are many aspects to judge whether the child has developed such a habit, and parents only need to pay attention to observe.

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Finally, let me remind you of something that many parents may know but don’t pay much attention to: parents always influence their children subtly.

In the process of children developing habits, the attitude and behavior of parents are very important. If parents can implement the habit-forming plan with their children, for example, when the children are reading, the parents also read for the same amount of time, it will not only encourage the children to persist for a long time, but also enhance the relationship between parents and children.

Especially under the double reduction policy and the impact of the epidemic, it is more important for children to develop good habits. I hope that all parents can cultivate conscious and independent children with the help of the micro-habit principle.

Author｜ACC Psychology Popular Science

Review | Fan Chunlei Associate Researcher, Institute of Psychology, Chinese Academy of Sciences

References:

[1] Stephen Guise. 2016. Micro Habits: A Self-Management Rule So Simple It Can’t Fail. Jiangxi People’s Publishing House.

[2] Sun Meilin. Study on the current situation and development strategies of learning habits of primary school lower grade students[D]. Liaoning Normal University, 2020.

[3] Ji Xia. A case study on the development of primary school students’ learning habits[D]. Suzhou University, 2016.

Source: Science Popularization China

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