The jokes will make you understand what Internet thinking, big data, O2O, crowdfunding, red ocean and blue ocean are in seconds!

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What is big data?

The phone rang at a fast food restaurant and the customer service agent picked up the phone.

Customer Service: Pizza Hut. Hello, how can I help you?

Customer: Hello, I would like a...

Customer Service: Sir, please tell me your membership card number first.

Customer: 16846146***.

Customer Service: Hello, Mr. Chen! You live in Room 1205, 12th Floor, No. 1 Quanzhou Road. Your home phone number is 2646****, your company phone number is 4666****, and your mobile phone number is 1391234****. Which phone number do you want to use to pay?

Customer: Why do you know all my phone numbers?

Customer Service: Mr. Chen, because we are connected to the CRM system.

Customer: I want a seafood pizza...

Customer Service: Mr. Chen, seafood pizza is not suitable for you.

Customer: Why?

Customer Service: According to your medical records, your blood pressure and cholesterol are both high.

Customer: So what can you recommend?

Customer Service: You can try our low-fat healthy pizza.

Customer: How do you know I like this?

Customer Service: You borrowed a book called “Low-Fat Healthy Recipes” from the National Library last Monday.

Customer: OK. I want a family-sized pizza. How much does it cost?

Customer Service: 99 yuan, this is enough for your family of six. But your mother should eat less, as she just had a heart bypass surgery last month and is still recovering.

Customer: Can I pay by credit card?

Customer Service: Mr. Chen, I'm sorry. Please pay in cash because your credit card has been maxed out and you still owe the bank 4,807 yuan, not including the mortgage interest.

Customer: Then I’ll go to the nearby ATM to withdraw money first.

Customer Service: Mr. Chen, according to your records, you have exceeded today's withdrawal limit.

Customer: Forget it, just deliver the pizza to my house. I have cash at home. How long will it take for you to deliver it?

Customer Service: About 30 minutes. If you don’t want to wait, you can come by bike.

Customer: Why?

Customer Service: According to the vehicle automatic tracking system records of our CRM global positioning system, you have registered a motorcycle with the license plate number SB-748, and you are currently riding this motorcycle on the right side of Hualian Shopping Mall on the east section of Jiefang Road.

Customer: Fainted immediately...

What is O2O?

Rich man O keeps female college student B for 20,000 yuan a month. B actually takes out 10,000 yuan from the maintenance fee to keep male student C of the same age (B2C). C feels unbalanced and starts to keep young girl O for 5,000 yuan a month. After finding out that she is at the bottom of the food chain, she feels unhappy and directly sends rich man O a WeChat message. Then the two of them kick out B and C (cut out the middle) and trade directly for 8,000 yuan a month. (The core of the Internet thinking of the O2O model is: get rid of the middleman)

What is blue ocean?

Yesterday, I was parking at the entrance of Shangri-La and saw a parking space. A Maybach was about to park in the space. I walked up to him, knocked on the window, threw out a hundred yuan and said to him: "I like this parking space, you can park somewhere else!" He thought I looked down on him, threw more than a dozen hundred yuan bills in my face and told me to get out of the way. Later, I did the same thing again... My god, I actually made more than 20,000 yuan in one night.

What is the Red Sea?

I posted my money-making experience online, and everyone was forwarding it. Suddenly, many people wanted to learn from me and do the same. At this time, the streets were full of people holding 100 yuan, and they were all looking for parking spaces for luxury cars.

What is Internet thinking?

Seeing so many people walking around the street with 100 yuan in their hands, I knew my chance had come: So, I rented a luxury Maybach and drove to the street, driving towards those people holding 100 yuan and waiting for luxury cars. At this time, if someone handed me 100 yuan and asked me to give up my parking space, I would directly accept his 100 yuan... I won't say anymore, another person holding 100 yuan came over.

What is crowdfunding?

It’s cold, I want to eat hot pot, but I’m too lazy to go out, what should I do? First, invite 5 people. Call the first one: “Buy some vegetables on the way, the only thing missing is vegetables.” Then the second one: “Buy some mutton on the way, the only thing missing is meat.” Then the third one: “Buy some frozen tofu and various meatballs on the way, the only thing missing is this.” Then the fourth one: “The only thing missing is wine.” Finally, the fifth one: “We don’t have enough hot pot base, bring some.” Then, hang up the phone, boil a pot of water, and wait…