Harvard has tracked the lives of 724 people for nearly 80 years: What kind of people are most likely to be happy? The answer subverts cognition!

If you could invest in your future or your children right now, where would you invest your time and energy?

In a survey among millennials, "What is your most important goal in life?", more than 80% answered that they wanted to be rich, and 50% said that another important goal was to be famous.

We are constantly told to put in the work, go the extra mile, and achieve more. We are told that only by doing these things can we have a good life and be considered successful. But is this really the case? Can doing these things really keep us happy and healthy?

Is there a way to look at a person's life from beginning to end to see what keeps them happy and healthy?

It really exists!!!

A study on adult development conducted by Harvard University is probably the longest "happy life" tracking study in history . It tracked 724 people's lives for nearly 80 years, year after year, to understand their work, family life, health status, and try to find the secret of "happiness".

What kind of people are the happiest? The research results are beyond imagination, but also very warm and inspiring. Today's article will analyze this research in depth. Whether it is parenting or loving yourself, it can give you great inspiration and strength. Don't miss it!

01

The longest study on "happy life" in history

“From the beginning, the purpose of the research was to find the prerequisites for success.”

George Vaillant said so. He is the third director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. From 1972 to 2004, a full 32 years, he found funding for the study and compiled data.

After retirement, he summarized this research into a book, "Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study". When it was translated into Chinese, the title was a bit chicken soup for the soul, called "Things That Are More Important Than Working Hard".

The study, which began in 1938, has lasted nearly 80 years and cost more than $20 million. Today, the study is in the hands of its fourth director, psychiatrist Robert Waldinger.

The first study subjects were 268 Harvard undergraduates, and later 456 teenagers from Boston's slums with an average IQ of about 95 were included. The Grant Study, which tracked Harvard students, and the Gluck Study, which tracked poor boys, are collectively known as the Harvard Adult Development Study.

Many of these 724 people have passed away, and their lives can be judged as "final", but their wives and children have gradually joined the research.

This is the longest follow-up study in history, which is aimed at solving the mystery of "happy life" and "secrets to success".

Researchers have found that there is actually no difference between the "secrets to success" summed up by Harvard people and poor boys. No matter what class you come from, no matter whether your life started with winning the lottery or was a complete disaster, there are some secrets that are suitable for everyone.

The real biggest difference between poor kids and Harvard students is that poor kids will ask, "Why are you still studying me? My life is nothing special."

But Harvard people never ask this question.

Image source: pixabay

What is a good life? What comes to your mind when you think of a good life?

Most people’s first reaction is – money, fame and achievement.

It’s not that these things aren’t important. Take money, for example. Rich people tend to live longer than poor people and are more likely to be happy (although the happiness curve flattens out after a certain level of wealth). If wealth is used wisely, people can have more freedom and more choices.

The Harvard Adult Development Program does not view happiness as an ethereal feeling that is out of touch with the world. When defining a perfect life, money is one of the "achievement indicators."

The following are the "Ten Indicators of Life Winners" recognized by Harvard, which mainly assess people's achievements in their later years:

About career, reputation and money, two -

① If you are included in the "Who's Who in America" ​​before the age of 60, you will get 1 point.

② If your income ranks in the top 20% among the subjects studied, you will get 1 point.

Regarding longevity and physical and mental health, four items:

① Less psychological pressure. Specifically, it means that there is no need for frequent psychological treatment or taking medication to relieve mental pain.

④ Between the ages of 65 and 80, you are in good working condition and can find happiness in emotions and hobbies.

⑤At the age of 75, you can still do many things in good health.

⑥ At the age of 80, you will not be an alcoholic, depressed, or chronically anxious, and you will consider yourself healthy and happy.

Regarding interpersonal relationships, four items:

⑦ Reaching the "inheritance" stage in life, you can not only care for and help your own descendants, but also care for other teenagers and young people.

⑧For most of the time between the ages of 60 and 85, both spouses have a happy marriage.

⑨Between 60 and 75 years old, have a close relationship with children.

⑩ Between the ages of 60 and 75, in addition to wife and children, they also have other good social connections (confidants, former colleagues, golfing and card-playing friends, etc.).

If the above 10 indicators are ranked in the top 25% of the subjects, each item will be scored 1 point. If it is not in the top 25%, or if it has passed away before a certain indicator is evaluated, it will be scored 0 points.

In the end, about one-third of the people had a total score greater than or equal to 4 points. Harvard researchers defined this group of people as "decathlon" winners in life.

The next step is to study how these people win.

Let me give you a spoiler first——

①It is best to have the warmth of childhood.

② To find love, act in a way that accepts love.

③Never drink alcohol excessively.

It is good to have warmth in childhood, but childhood will not

Determine your life

At the beginning of the study, the Harvard researchers really didn't want to make chicken soup.

Which factors in early life affect happiness and well-being in later life?

The first batch of Harvard researchers guessed six factors: whether one is sociable, whether one is well-proportioned and muscular (the so-called "mesomorphy"), whether one has an inverted triangle body shape, endurance (measured on a treadmill), whether one comes from a wealthy family, and whether one is good at sports.

Later Harvard researchers guessed another 7 items: family social class (upper class or blue-collar), mother's education level, father's education level, whether there is a history of alcoholism in the family, whether there is a history of depression in the family, whether the grandfather and father lived long lives, and whether the person's personality was good or bad in childhood.

These are the factors that researchers have high hopes for, such as family class - even if they are both Harvard students, the class they come from can be very different.

The families of upper-class Harvard students often have cars, servants, and multiple houses. In today's dollar value, each family member has an annual income of $225,000. On the other hand, Harvard students from lower-class families often rely on scholarships and part-time work to pay for their tuition, and each family member has an annual income of $5,200.

However, among these 13 early life factors, 9 were not correlated with the total score in late life, 3 were "correlated", and only 1 was "significantly correlated" with the total score in late life.

The three factors related to old age were being born into a wealthy family, having a good personality in childhood, and having good endurance. The only one of the 13 factors that was "significantly related to old age" was being good at sports.

In short, "well-developed limbs" are important! In comparison, whether or not one is born with a silver spoon in one's mouth is not the most influential and decisive factor.

After that, researchers began to pay attention to the direction of "interpersonal relationships". After including "whether childhood was warm" in the analysis, four factors that were "significantly correlated" with the total score in later life emerged.

Image source: pixabay

Is childhood warm? This has a significant impact on the total scores of the ten indicators.

The overall state in college - whether you can deal with problems normally, whether you can interact with others normally, whether you are particularly unsociable, and whether you have obvious mood swings - significantly affects the total score of the ten indicators.

Are the psychological coping mechanisms for facing adversity mature between the ages of 20 and 35? The worst coping mechanism is psychotic defense, such as strong denial and distortion of external facts. The better ones are immature coping mechanisms, such as paranoia and passive aggression. The better ones are ordinary coping mechanisms, such as repression and emotional isolation. The best ones are mature coping mechanisms, including altruism, humor, firm self-control, etc. What kind of coping mechanism is adopted significantly affects the total score of the ten indicators.

How are your interpersonal relationships between the ages of 30 and 47? Do you have a partner who has been with you for more than ten years? Do you have a good relationship with your family of origin? Do you have a good relationship with your children? Do you have good friends? These factors significantly affect the total score of the ten indicators.

These four interpersonal relationship factors not only significantly affect the probability of becoming a winner in life, but are also extremely correlated with each other, indicating that these four factors do not change independently.

The researchers concluded that the commonality of these four items is the ability to form and maintain good relationships.

Good relationships are not limited to love, but also include friendship, family, etc. Good and warm relationships are like safety nets. The more such relationships there are, the more layers of protection a person has around him. Even if he falls during the climb, these layers of nets will support him again and again. He can recuperate in the nets, and then set out again to continue climbing.

A warm and loving childhood is the initial safety net for many people.

In the Harvard study, there is also such data:

* People from harmonious families earn an average of $66,000 more per year than those from less harmonious families (in 2009 dollars)

* People who are cared for by their mothers have an average annual salary of $87,000 higher than those who are not cared for by their mothers.

* People who had a good relationship with their siblings as children earned an average of $51,000 more per year than those who had a bad relationship with their siblings.

* Half of the people who had the best childhoods achieved "optimal adult development." Only one in eight people who had the worst childhoods achieved the same optimal level of development.

If you have received love and warmth in your childhood (not necessarily from your parents), it will be easier for you to make friends and establish stable close relationships when you grow up. Your behavior and response will also make it easier for others to choose to get close to you rather than alienate you, so you will be more likely to succeed in your career and get a high salary - the researchers admit that this conclusion sounds a bit "blaming the victim", after all, no one voluntarily chooses to experience hardships in childhood.

However, in the words of George Vaillant, "The harsh reality is that people who are well fed (literally and figuratively) are more likely to be considerate of others, while people who are hungry (literally and figuratively) are more likely to adopt strategies of self-preservation and more likely to attack when they are hurt."

A warm childhood is like a vaccine that can protect you from many diseases as you grow up.

But people who had a bad childhood also have a chance to turn things around.

Growing up means one thing: you can learn to love others and learn to trust others.

You can weave your own web.

Long-lasting love is good, but divorce

Not necessarily a bad thing

Happiness requires two elements: love and a way of doing things that does not reject love.

It's not enough for someone to love you, you also have to learn not to push away the person who loves you. (By the way, the study also found that the better the endurance and the higher the restraint, the stronger the ability to "love" tends to be.)

Marriage and intimate relationships are the classic ways to "love and be loved," but they are not the only way. People feel loved and healed in their children, in their friends, in their communities, in their caregivers in hospitals, even in kind strangers, and even in religion.

Is there a way to judge “a way of doing things that does not exclude love”? Yes.

Data from Grant's study showed that when these subjects were 50 years old, eight questions could clearly predict whether their future scores on the "ten indicators" would be high or low.

Here are those 8 sentences. Which of them do you agree with? ——

①My behavior towards the opposite sex has caused me to get into anxiety-inducing situations.

②I often feel that in terms of sex, there is no difference between humans and animals.

③I often feel that I should put my own needs first.

④Some people once thought that I was afraid of sex.

⑤I tend to be so focused on my own interests that I forget about the existence of others.

⑥When the situation demands it, I will wrap myself in a hard shell or build a high wall.

⑦I actually don’t want to treat others so coldly.

⑧Sometimes I feel that my deepest emotions are destructive.

The more sentences of agreement there are, the less trust and adaptability one has to interpersonal relationships, and therefore the more pessimism, fear, suspicion and self-doubt one has.

Those who agreed with only a few sentences had the highest scores on the 10 indicators, while those who agreed with at least four sentences had lower scores on the 10 indicators.

Having a long, happy, mutually dependent marriage is definitely a good thing, but divorce is not necessarily a bad thing.

It is the quality of the marriage that matters, not its length.

There are four questions that can easily measure the quality of your marriage:

① When two people have a disagreement, solving it is: easy = 1 point, relatively difficult = 2 points, always difficult = 3 points, and unsolvable = 4 points;

② How stable is your marriage? Very stable = 1 point, some minor problems = 2 points, moderate problems = 3 points, major problems = 4 points, unstable = 5 points;

③ The overall sex life can be rated as: very satisfied = 1 point, satisfied = 2 points, sometimes not satisfied = 3 points, very dissatisfied = 4 points;

④ Have you considered separation or divorce: Never = 1 point, Only occasionally = 2 points, Seriously consider = 3 points.

The lower the total score of the four questions, the better the quality of the marriage.

Do low-quality marriages automatically get better? According to Grant's research, no.

The quality of a marriage seems to be evident early on, and doesn't change much even in old age.

Of the 28 people who had a good first marriage, 26 still felt that their marriage was happy at the age of 85.

Among the 30 people whose marriages did not go smoothly at the beginning but persisted for many years or until one of them died, only 5 felt that their marriages were happy after the age of 80 - and 4 of the 5 remarried after their wives died, and then found happiness in their subsequent marriages.

In other words, there was only one marriage that truly “ended up getting better.”

As for those who left their first unhappy marriage early? Of the 27 people who divorced early and remarried, 23 considered their current marriage to be happy when they were older - and their last marriage lasted an average of 33 years.

Maybe the lyrics of "Happy Breakup" are right, "Only by saying goodbye to the wrong one can you meet the right one."

When we are young, we don’t know who we are or who we are suitable for, so we may make bad choices. Sometimes, only divorce can end a person’s misfortune, and only divorce can bring hope for a better new marriage.

There is also a surprising research conclusion - an unhappy childhood does not necessarily foreshadow an unhappy marriage. Many people healed their childhood trauma in a happy marriage, and then their lives turned into a virtuous circle. Their personalities became more mature and healthy, and they were able to develop a more appropriate attitude towards dealing with things.

How can a child with an unhappy childhood have a happy marriage? According to the data, half of it depends on luck, and half on persistence - persistence in learning to accept the love of others, persistence in learning to trust others, and persistence in practicing intimacy skills.

Also, never drink excessively, as alcoholism is a major cause of divorce and short life.

Image source: pixabay

Never drink alcohol (alcoholism is the cause of misfortune,

rather than the result)

Everyone knows that alcohol abuse is bad. But the Harvard Study of Adult Development is the first to clearly show that alcohol abuse is a cause, not a consequence, of problems and unhappiness in life.

Alcoholism often comes first, followed by unemployment, divorce and poverty.

Rather than tragedy happening first and then people starting drinking.

Occasional social drinking is normal. However, if you often drink under stress and frustration, want to drink every day, become more and more impatient to have your first glass of wine today, drink to the point of losing consciousness or memory, regret some of your drunken words and deeds after sobering up, begin to feel a little guilty about drinking, family or close friends begin to express concern about your drinking, you start to drink secretly behind your family's back, try to quit drinking, have uncomfortable withdrawal reactions when you can't get any alcohol... If you meet several of these symptoms, it is not normal drinking, but alcoholism.

A person who starts to drink excessively will soon be changed beyond recognition by alcohol. His personality becomes neurotic, aggressive, and antisocial. His judgment is seriously impaired, so he engages in more high-risk behaviors (such as gambling and fighting) and indulges himself in addictions to other things (such as smoking).

Eventually, the alcoholic's body and mind are severely damaged by alcohol. His career, finances, and interpersonal relationships deteriorate rapidly, and the family around him becomes unhappy as a result.

In Harvard's long-term follow-up studies, this pattern has appeared again and again - a person first drinks, then becomes antisocial. A person first drinks, then becomes depressed. It's not that they are depressed first, and then they drink to relieve their depression. Instead, they start drinking and become depressed!

The original psychological condition of many alcoholics is not significantly different from that of non-alcoholics. However, once they start drinking, their life journey begins to go off track.

What causes alcoholism?

①Genetic factors.

If a family member has a history of alcoholism, the likelihood of becoming an alcoholic is doubled.

In addition, genes can also lead to "natural drinking ability", and good drinkers are more likely to become alcoholics. Being able to drink more alcohol than others without getting a hangover or vomiting is not necessarily a good thing.

② Cultural customs tolerate drinking among children and teenagers.

Research shows that children and teenagers are more likely to develop alcohol problems if they are raised in an environment where drinking is not frowned upon, encouraged or enjoyed. This is the case in Ireland.

If the environment allows teenagers to drink moderately and at low alcohol levels but condemns drunkenness, it is less likely to cultivate alcoholics. This is the case in Italy.

In the Harvard study, after controlling for other factors, Irish people were more likely to become alcoholics than Italian people.

Researchers suggest that alcoholism should be viewed as a chronic disease that needs to be treated. Like diabetes, alcoholism is often unrelated to a person's personality. Like diabetes, alcoholism is influenced by genes. Like diabetes, alcoholism will not improve automatically and requires long-term treatment, but once the "condition" is under control, it can greatly improve one's life.

I think alcoholism is not just a disease, it is also a "thorn". The "thorn" growing on your body will not only cause you pain, but also tear through the safety net around you.

Alcoholism causes divorce, and even when partners don't leave, marriages often end in misery. It causes irritability and antisocial behavior, which drives away friends and leaves fewer people with support.

The safety nets are torn one by one, so when the alcoholic falls, there is nothing to catch him. With one misstep, others fall one or two meters, but the alcoholic may fall dozens of meters, or even fall into an abyss from which it is difficult to climb out.

In addition to alcoholism, there are other thorns, such as hereditary mental illness and a childhood without warmth...

Some thorns are beyond our control, but alcoholism is different.

As long as you don't drown your sorrows in alcohol when you're down in the dumps as an adult, and as long as you seek professional psychotherapy and alcohol treatment in a timely manner when you show signs of alcoholism, you have hope of removing this thorn from your body.

02

Everyone can grow

Life is short, but life is also long. Time will slowly heal the wounds you have suffered. But the love you have received will not fade away with time, but will continue to illuminate a person's life.

If you had an unhappy childhood, as time goes by and you grow older, the negative impact of your childhood will become less and less. If you had a warm childhood, even if you are old, the experience of being loved in your childhood can still warm you.

This may be a gentle and healing gift from the world to the small and fragile human beings.

Another finding from the Harvard Adult Study is that people can grow throughout their lives.

Even those who are still depressed in middle age may have a very happy old age.

The motivation for everyone's growth is different, and everyone's growth method is also different. The same thing is that everyone has experienced pain and struggle in their life.

References

[1] George Vaillant. Things More Important Than Working Hard. Liu Xiaotong, Oxford University Press, translated by Li Nan. Nanjing: Jiangsu Literature and Art Publishing House, January 2018.

[2]Vaillant, George E. Triumphs of experience. Harvard University Press, 201

Planning and production

Source: Yanggezhiren (ID: yanggezhiren)

Author: You Shiyou, member of the Chinese Science Writers Association

Editor: Zhong Yanping