The infection rate among couples is as high as 16%. Is traveling really a breakup curse?

A survey conducted by a travel platform showed that 86% of lovers have had disagreements or quarrels during travel, 54% have thought about breaking up or directly said it out loud at the moment of emotional outburst, and 16% actually broke up because of this.

Qian Zhongshu also said through the mouth of Zhao Xinmei in Fortress Besieged:
"Travel like ours is the best way to test a person's character. Travel is the most tiring and troublesome time, and it's when a person's true colors are revealed." Breaking up as soon as you travel, is it really a "curse" for couples?

Traveling is a test

Why do we travel? Both research findings and travel enthusiasts say that traveling can relax the body and mind, travel is a kind of self-healing, travel can experience a different life, travel is to find the meaning of life...

Human beings are very complex creatures. They pursue stability and familiarity, but they also crave exploration and excitement. They crave a sense of security in their comfort zone, but at the same time they are full of curiosity about the unknown world. Therefore, whether from the essence of travel or from the real starting point of people's choice of travel, travel is destined to be a test.

The unknown and uncertainty in the journey can bring excitement, surprise and stimulation, but also unexpected things, challenges and setbacks. For those who can handle it, every trip is an opportunity to break through themselves and explore the boundaries of relationships; for those who can't handle it, every trip will become a gathering of contradictions and troubles.

Disasters during the journey

When traveling, people need to face all kinds of unknown challenges and difficulties, which are often beyond the scope of daily life, thus forcing us to show the most real and profound human nature.

1

Strangeness triggers the fight-or-flight response

Going out of the house means going out of your comfort zone. When we are in a completely new environment and face unfamiliar culture, language, customs and people, the sudden sense of strangeness often makes us feel uneasy and nervous, so the brain automatically switches to the "fight or flight" stress mode. This is a natural physiological and psychological reaction that helps us cope with potential stress and threats.

When in stress mode, the brain releases a series of hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol, which can increase our alertness and reaction speed, making us more sensitive to and respond to changes in our surroundings.

The "fight or flight" response and the "calm and connection" response are in a trade-off relationship. When we are in the "calm and connection" response, we will feel relaxed, happy and calm, remain rational and harmonious, improve our social skills, reduce stress levels, use energy to grow and store, become friendly and tolerant to people and things around us, and more easily form connections with the outside world.

Therefore, we often find that people with high emotional intelligence and good talkativeness tend to become sarcastic and mean during travel; people with good personality and easy to get along with tend to become irritable during travel. This is not because they really want to, but because they are under stress.

2

Fatigue leads to loss of control of emotions

Traveling, no matter how convenient the transportation is, is ultimately a difficult journey that requires measuring the world with your legs and tests your personal physical fitness.

During the journey, we may have to carry heavy luggage, walk through rugged mountain roads, or pass through crowded crowds, all of which will challenge our physical and mental strength. Therefore, physical and mental fatigue is one of the inevitable tests of travel.

From a psychological perspective, whether it is physical or mental fatigue, it will reduce people's cognitive functions, including the ability to concentrate, make decisions, and manage emotions. When an individual is physically and mentally exhausted, his ability to process information about the surrounding environment and regulate his own emotional state will be greatly reduced. Therefore, even a small stimulus may trigger a strong emotional response.

3

A sense of loss of control leads to a lack of security

When we are in an unfamiliar environment during travel, we may encounter unexpected situations at any time. While we enjoy the excitement and freshness, we also have to face the troubles that come with it.

Perhaps the biggest impact of unpredictability on travel is uncertainty and a sense of loss of control. When we cannot predict the future, our inner insecurity will be magnified. We may become anxious, nervous, or even fearful and resistant. This emotion makes us become like a hedgehog with its hair standing on end, curling up the vulnerable parts that need to be protected and erecting sharp spears that can hurt people to deal with external pressure and challenges.

24 hours of daily life

The biggest challenge of traveling as a couple

In fact, for those who like to travel and travel frequently, all kinds of problems encountered on the way are not difficult. Every difficulty can be overcome, challenging the limits and improving oneself, this is the true meaning of "on the way".

For both partners, friction, accommodation, dissatisfaction and concession are part of the daily life of an intimate relationship. The reason why these things are infinitely magnified and become unbearable during travel is that travel puts both parties in a situation of being together 24 hours a day, depriving us of the opportunity to regulate our emotions, think about problems calmly and lick our wounds secretly.

Research shows that when people feel upset or in a negative emotional state, they prefer to be alone rather than talk. Being alone provides us with a space to sort out our emotions, reflect on ourselves, and find inner peace. In this process, we can gradually understand the source of our emotions, think about the root of the problem, and try to find a solution to the problem.

How to break the "breakup curse" of travel?

1

Changing perspectives, managing expectations

The expectancy violation theory points out that when there is a significant gap between expectations and actual conditions, it may cause emotional dissatisfaction and weakened sense of belonging. Therefore, if we look at travel with a filter and only pursue the beauty and romance of travel, then when faced with the difficulties of reality, we may feel deeply lost and disappointed.

This emotional gap not only affects our personal emotional state, but is also likely to have a negative impact on our relationship with our partner. Because when expectations are not met, we may project our dissatisfaction onto our partner, causing quarrels and conflicts, and destroying the originally harmonious atmosphere of the relationship.

To avoid this situation, we can try to change our perspective and face the overall picture of travel with the mentality of challenging our own limits and exploring the boundaries of relationships , and regard travel as an opportunity for self-growth and a journey to deepen our relationship, rather than just a romantic experience.

You can communicate your goals in advance and try to make a plan together. This can reduce the uncertainty of the trip and help alleviate the anxiety or uneasiness caused by the trip.

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2

Avoid crowds and get in touch with nature

It seems that the longer you spend in an urban environment, the faster your attention and cognitive resources are depleted, and the more rapidly the prevalence of mental illness increases. If traveling is just jumping from one noisy and crowded city to another noisy and busy city, which is still full of noise and congestion, it is difficult to achieve physical and mental relaxation and stress relief. Then, when encountering problems or emergencies, it is easier to feel anxious, helpless and overwhelmed, which further aggravates the individual's psychological pressure and mental burden.

More and more studies have found that contact with nature can not only improve immune function, reduce the body's production of stress hormones, relieve psychological tension and improve mood. Forest therapy also points out that walking in the forest can improve emotional balance and increase perception.

3

Walk around and develop tacit understanding

If couples tend to quarrel during travel, it is probably because they have not traveled together often enough and are not familiar with each other's preferences and habits. As the number of times you get used to each other increases, you understand my temper and I know your minefields, and we can consciously or unconsciously avoid the warning lines that may trigger disputes, learn to accommodate and tolerate each other, and better understand how to get along with each other in different situations.

It's not that traveling far away is meaningless, but it's more cost-effective to travel nearby. Therefore, you can try to start from the surrounding parks and suburban attractions . Although it is a new environment, it is not far from home, a little familiar, and a little novel. This way of traveling can allow both parties to gradually adapt and enjoy each other's company, laying a good foundation for future long-distance travel.

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4

Slow down and create solitude

Although the "ruthless special forces travel" with tight time and many attractions can allow people to experience as many different attractions and cultures as possible in a short period of time, it can also easily make people physically and mentally exhausted and lose the true meaning of travel. Try to slow down the pace and stop rushing between various attractions. Instead , choose to stay longer in one or two places of particular interest to deeply experience the local customs and people . At the same time, create time for solitude, so that both parties who are already exhausted during the journey have a chance to breathe and space.

During this time, you can find a quiet corner, sit quietly and enjoy the tranquility. You can read a book, or just close your eyes, listen to the sounds around you, and feel the breath of nature. Such alone time can not only relax the body and mind, but also give people more opportunities to think and experience the true meaning of travel.

In fact, compared with daily life, couples are more likely to quarrel while traveling. This is because traveling creates an opportunity for both parties to break out of the framework of life, to feel different ways and extreme feelings, and to explore the boundaries of relationships and the limits of life together.

Traveling is like wandering without lack of money. What couples want to experience is perhaps the sense of belonging where they can share weal and woe and keep each other warm, with a little excitement and sweetness. The most important thing is the true heart that will never leave and accepts each other wholeheartedly.

References

[1] Jiang Chao. Travel Therapy Psychology. Beijing: China Legal Publishing House. 2022.

[2]Laura Stafford and Andy J. Merolla. "Idealization, reunions, and stability in long-distance dating relationships." (2007). 37 - 54.

[3]Walid A. Afifi and S. Metts. "Characteristics and Consequences of Expectation Violations in Close Relationships." (1998). 365 - 392.

[4] Christine Moberg. Oxytocin: The hormone that creates intimacy, brings relaxation, selflessness and love. Taiwan: Times Publishing House. 2023.

[5] Philip Zimbardo. No Longer Shy. Beijing: Beijing United Publishing Company. 2018.

Planning and production

Author: Su Jing, National Level 2 Psychological Counselor

Reviewer: Zhang Xin, Associate Professor, School of Psychology and Cognitive Science, Peking University

Planning丨Yang Yaping

Editor: Yang Yaping

Proofread by Xu Lai and Lin Lin